Here’s the “tea”
Here is how my attempts to change usually go: one minute I’m wondering whether I should replace my daily coffee with tea and then… BAM! the next thing I know my Takealot order has arrived containing an assortment of (equally disgusting) teas as well as a kettle that allows you to choose the temperature (for the apparently very sensitive afore-mentioned teas).
In the world of change, this means I’ve barely dipped my toes into the contemplation phase before springing into the action phase, skipping a whole step in between (more on that later). And don’t get me wrong, sometimes it works… for about three and a half days. And then I’m back to my usual routine, enjoying coffee more than ever and revelling in the knowledge that I didn't allow those evil Takealot forces to suck the joy from my life.
And of course, my self trust and identity is affected by this: I’ve reinforced the idea that I’m just someone who "just doesn’t follow through", and it leaves me less likely to attempt any change in the future.
So I’m going to do change a little differently this time around. And I’m sharing it as I go so that you can learn more about change - for you and your patients. Or, you know, just watch and enjoy 🍿
The change I’m going to be working on is developing a regular writing routine. I’ll get into the reasons why this is important to me in a minute.
So instead of just jumping into the action phase as I usually would, I’m actually going to follow the recommended change phases. These are: precontemplation, contemplation, planning, action, maintenance and termination.
Precontemplation is when you’re not even thinking about making a change in the foreseeable future, so I’m past that phase. But this is important to be aware of: even when a patient is doing something obviously bad for them, such as smoking or not exercising regularly, they may not be considering changing at all. We cannot force people into change, and often attempting to makes people dig their heels in even more. After all, humans have a deep need for autonomy. In this phase, you might share things that could inspire change and listen for "change talk" in which the patient is showing signs of wanting to do something differently.
Contemplation is when you are thinking about making a change but you may not be quite ready to actually do it. You’re still very conflicted and the negative of making a change still outweighs the positive, but you are actively considering it.
In this phase, we're often thinking about the pros and cons of change. For me, the pros of writing are: processing, developing and expressing my thoughts and ideas, doing something creative and creating my own microcosm of the world I want to live in (this is an idea from one of my coaches, Simone Seol). The cons to writing are that I may feel bored, uncomfortable or like I'm wasting time. It can also be vulnerable and a little scary to put your ideas out into the world.
When the list of reasons to make this change was longer and more compelling than the reasons not to, I moved into the next phase: preparation.
This is the phase that I always skipped in the past, and involves anything that prepares you for the upcoming change. This is what I've been doing:
Looking at potential obstacles and how I’ll handle them, for example having prompts for when I don’t know what to write, or having a plan for managing my access to social media during my writing time. Another way to think about this is, "If I was going to fail at implementing this, what are the most likely reasons why?" and making a plan for each of those.
Enlisting support and letting others know what to expect: I'm sharing my change with you all so that provides a certain level of accountability, but beyond that it isn't something I feel I need much support for. You could have someone you text when you've e.g. set a boundary that’s difficult for you, or ask a friend to join you in your new exercise routine etc. This could also include letting your family or friends know if there's a change that might affect your usual routines, such as giving up alcohol or eating out less.
Identifying underlying resistance and assumptions: If you joined the recent Growth Edge workshop, you’ll know all about the Immunity to Change framework (a DIY version of it will also be at the end of this email). Essentially, this helps you identify your underlying resistance and assumptions to help you prepare for a change. I identified assumptions like: I’ll feel bored or uncomfortable, that committing to something regularly means I'll feel restricted, that I'll feel like I'm wasting my time, that people will judge me as unreliable if I fail, or that doing this means I take myself too seriously or am arrogant about my ideas
Experimentation: these are experiments to test out some of the assumptions identified in the previous step. For example I’ve sat down for 30 minutes on two different days to write this very email & that’s an experiment for me to gather data about what thoughts or emotions come up and whether I do actually experience mental resistance or feelings of discomfort/boredom. I've also been journalling about these assumptions in different ways to examine them closer. This way, much of the strong resistance has already been addressed before I've even attempted any change.
Researching/reading: I have quite a bit of content for writing from a course I recently did, which is amazing & forms part of this preparation as it gives me good reasons to write and ideas/prompts to inspire me. I also read the book “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott, which I absolutely loved, and some Substack blogs on writing.
Next up is the action phase, which will be me committing to writing at least 5 days a week for 30 minutes for a period of 6 months (this is the recommended time frame for this phase). The phases after that are maintenance and termination, which I'll go into more at a later point.
This will be part of a bigger, meta-experiment for me: changing my approach to change. I don’t want to keep the identity of someone that doesn’t follow through just because I was doing change in a way that was setting myself up to do exactly that.
So I hope you’ll join me, both in doing change differently as well as discarding identities that are no longer serving us. We get to self-author our own journeys, and we get to transform in ways that are important to us while giving ourselves the support we need.
Let me know in the comments a change that you’re contemplating - I'd love to know!
